Rough waters.

Part of me wanted to gloss today over in a witty little post.
Part of me wanted to lie about how crappy today was.

Ignore it. Put it out of my head.

But this blog is forcing me to be honest in so many ways, already.
And I want to genuinely be able to sign this one "Sincerely".
So here I go.

I'm a compulsive liar.
Not in the sense that I'll tell people I hit a woolly mammoth on the way to school just to heighten interest.
Mostly, it involves people inquiring about me and my comfort.

"How are you?"
Fine.

"Are you cold?"
No.

"You sure you're okay with me leaving?"
Yeah. Go ahead.

"No hard feelings, right?"
Of course not.

Don't get me wrong; I used to be the most honest little thing ever.
Couldn't tell a lie to save my life.
(Or at least my academic record. Funny story for later.)
Straightforward about everything. Maybe too much so.

But somehow, without my noticing, ED stole that away.
I struggle with being assertive, now. I don't feel like people should be concerned with how I feel.
Like I don't deserve their attention.
(Towards the end of my worst anorexic days, I wanted to be smaller just to fade away from view.)

Of course, this just results in me harboring resentment against those same people when they go ahead and do things that I said I was "just dandy" with. When I really wasn't.

(Btw, I'm sorry in advance, Alyssa, if this is weird to read... )

This bit me in the ass today. Hard.
I did it again. I told Kevin (he said it was fine to stop calling him "Boyfriend") that sure, we didn't have to go to the canyon today to see waterfalls. It was surely too dangerous, with the rain and all. We should go some other time.

Except I had been looking forward to this for...weeks.

Later on, he found out that I actually was upset about it.
One thing led to another, and some nasty exchanges were made.
For the first time. In 21 months.
And every time I think about them, I get this awful pain in my chest.

Just like when my heart was about to give out last year.

Yes, we did make up. I drove my butt to his house, and we watched Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.
And played some wicked Smash Brothers with Alyssa. =D
I fail at that game.

But, though the issues were resolved, I really needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you for reading my short, whiny novel.
Now, on to foodage!
Today went very well, especially considering I tend to restrict (BAD MORGAN!) under stress.

Strawberry Activia yogurt, with strawberry granola, and...strawberries.
Because you can never have enough strawberries.
Plus tea and mah mornin' funniez. =D

Little walk after that with Mum. My internet had been keelhauled this morning because of the storm, so I needed a little venting. (Didn't I tell you it was a poopy day?)
Ahh. I luff my Mommy. <3

Toasted ham and cheese sandwich, homemade blue cheese crackers, picklez, and whimsical almond butter.
"Whimsical" meaning I dunked a shpoon into the jar on a whim!

Needed to work on being so rigid with meals/snacks. And what better way to do that than with a spoon and some almond butter?
That's right. THERE ISN'T.

"'Cos a spoonful of almond buttah helps the recovery go down!"

Okay. I'll spare you the corniness.

On another note, I adjusted the settings on my camera, and think the results are a bit bettah.

Mr. Cracker sez hi.

I'm feelin' the colors a bit more. Tell me what you think!

Anyhow. Afternoon snack was consumed at Kev's house. Therefore, no piccy.
I sorry.
But it was a tastay Rice Krispie treat and some OJ.

...How old am I again?

Oh well. A bit small, but din din made up for it!

Crab cake with cocktail sauce (Eets good. Try it), leftover stir fry, and sauteed new potatoes.
We were cleaning out the fridge.
Can you tell?

Two of these little suckers for dessert.

Mistah Buttahfingah.

And Mistah Crunchay.

(Note the difference in the two photos. The second one is adjusted.)

Ahh. I'm sorry, I didn't take any other pictures besides these today.
Was pretty apathetic towards a lot of things. (Hello, stack of homework.)
Also, apologies for my lack of amusingness. (That's actually a word? Yay!)
When my mood's this down in the dumps, I don't really feel like myself.

But...tomorrow will be a new day.
=]

Thank you so much, everyone, for putting up with me and supporting me.
I love you all. And that's all there is to it.

Sincerely,
Morgan