Monday, April 27, 2009

Like Molasses.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all for the "slow food" movement.
But seriously.

THIRTY MINUTES to eat a measly little sandwich, today?

C'mon, Morgan.

That's redonkulous.

I'm sure I'm not the only one out here in blogland who struggles with overly-slow eating. But honestly, it wouldn't be such a biggie - since I do think there's a part of the "real" me who really does enjoy savoring food - if it weren't for school and other such activities always gettin' in tha way.

And that "real" me wouldn't go into panic mode every time a meal is either cut short or dragged out beyond an "acceptable" amount of time.

Wait. Acceptable by WHOSE standards?

Defo ain't MINE.

...must be ED's.

And that, m'dears, is quite unacceptable. By Morgan's standards.

So I'm working on being more flexible. Like this.


'Cept in tha brain, y'know?

I think you do.

So I can move on to foodage now, right?

Speshul brekkies de la weekend:

Creamy de wheat+nanner+cinnamon+PB, Activia, and tea.
Oh Lordylord.
Take me to heaven. I'm ready.

Actually...mebbe not yet.
For thar still be steel cut oats+nanner+toastie walnuts+CHOCCIE CHIPS+brown sugah heeyar on Earth.
Uhm. Methinks I'll stay. ;]

Oop. End of brekkytime.
Which means it's time for a quick goat break.


Yes. You read that correctly.


Meet Tootsie.
I met her on one of my weekend escapades...which involved tramping around the local junkyard.

Oh do we have fun here in Morganland.

...and by "fun", I mean "lunch"!

White choccie pretzels, picklez, and wunnerful wrap of joy.
Tsk. Looks like SUMBUDY nibbled mah pretzel.

Mah wrap of joy.
Chock-full of guac, ham, salsa...
*tumtum sighs happily*

Hmm. Looks like that be my only lunch pitchur.
Ah well.

..snacks, anyone?

They're yogurtastic.

Vanilla fro-yo topped with sprinkles, mango, and strawbs.
Purchased at a (GENIUS) top-your-own-yoggie place in Santa Cruz.
My god. I could eat this

Annddd...moah Greek yoggie a la Trader Joe's.
(Blooberreh this time.)
Decked with grated fresh coconut.
(Mum purchased one on a whim. Don't look at me!)

The above snackity was paired with a choccie chip Zbar, which was not photographed.


...for obvious reasons.

Okies. And lastly: din dins!

I challenged myself on Friday, and went with some friends to Chipotle.
Where I purchased, and noshed, a MONDO burrito.

And real soda. (I know. WHUT NOW.)

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I had to give up the fight against my tumtum halfway through.
But burrito leftovers are JUST as fantastic the day after, methinks.


And cheesy.
(A burrito sans-cheese is a very sad one indeed, imo.)

Yup. Oky. That be all.
I'll be off now.




Jus kiddink!

Y'know I wouldn't leave ya without sum ICE CREAM FOOD PORN.
Namely, white-choccie-raspberry+caramel sauce.
(Curse you, Chanel! You've got me hooked.>=l)

Alrighty. Now I'm off.

Spa-Morgan bids you goodnight. =]

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Toasty Roasty

Alrighty. So.
I know it's Earth Day and all, which means (supposedly) that you shouldn't be wasting electricity/gas/blahblah, but I honestly couldn't resist the beckoning of Mr. Air Conditioner, today.

It's unlike me, I know. I normally tend to migrate to the warmest spot in the house and plant my booty there.
And fortunately, that spot is usually my room.

But, seriously...

+90 degree weather is TOO.HOT.

Even for Morgan, the girl of a thousand sweatshirts.

Thankfully, this crazay weather will be cooling down to the 60's and 70's this weekend. But at least I finally discovered my heat threshold.
(WHUT. There's a limit? o.O)

So anyhay. Other than that, I've made a smattering of progress in the getting-my-ass-back-on-track dealio. Startin' with a coupla new dindins I've concocted:

Whoever said no brekkie for dindin is nutso.
Made with scrambled eggs, pepperjack cheese, broccoli, and, uh...a whole lotta otha shiznit.
Plus creamy salsa. In ze back.

Put 'em togetha an' whaddaya got?

Then, last night, I whipped up a stir fry (inspired by my most favoritest Lauren in ze world!)

Ain't he perty?
I bought 'im at the wunnerland that is Trader Joe's.
Made my tumtum a happy camper, fershur.

And tonight, thanks to the GERSHDERN heat, I threw together a salad as part (also had crepes - not photogenic, but mhmm..) of my dindins.

Romaine, hardboiled egg, sliced 'shrooms, bacon bits, and thousand island dressing sloshed all over it.
So reminiscent of summer.

Oh! And I have an extra speshul announcement to make, that can be summarized in 5 words.

Stop pinching yourself. You're not dreaming.

This phenomena was joyously discovered at Trader Joe's (I swear I don't live there. Really.) last weekend. And I finally got to test it out this morning.

Results are in.

Steel-cut oats, persimmon (mushed in), walnuts, brown sugar, and cinnamon.
Plus a good sploosh of almond milk.
I've said it many a' time, and I'll say it again with gusto:

Even if the stuff DID initially overflow in the micro, I forgave it in the end. For steel-cut outs truly do imbue a chewy nuttiness that is unrivaled by regular rolled outs.

I give it a Morgan star of approval.
And that be sayin' summat.

Okies. On to snacks! (The ones I actually managed to snag pictures of before they disappeared into the black hole of tumtum, anyhow.)
Acos I'm a snackin' machiiiine.

Startin' out with this liddle doozy:

Oh Lordy.
I think I'm in love.

Unlike Oikos, this wasn't too tangy, and didn't have a funny chemical-y taste.
And how do you know it's some DERN GUD yoggie?

That's how.

Although it wasn't a real snack until I crumbled in a Fig Newton. (Yummy. Energy-dense. Easy on the tummy. SCORE.)

Gettin' figgy with it. =]

And had a juicay ripe orange 'longside.

Could I have gotten the camera any closer?
..prolly not.

Lastly, before I abandon y'all for my soft, cozy bed, I have a particularly beauteous experience I must share with you.
And it can all be summarized in this one photo.

Warm apricot jam spooned directly into the last of my vanilla fro-yo, topped with a sprinkling of maple walnut granola.
Some extra walnuts may also have been consumed off-film.
(Shh. Don't tell anyone.)

Straight out of the pint. That's how I like it best.

And, on that note...

Sweet dreams, blogland. <3

P.S. Don't forget to check out the yummy giveaway at Life, love, violin! I know most of y'all are PB and bar fanatics, so it should be right up your ally. ;]

Monday, April 20, 2009

Breathe in...

Hold it.



And breathe out.

(Repeat as needed.)

Ahh. Little breathin exercise fer y'all. I've found them to be quite therapeutic in the midst of chaos and stress.

..don't believe me?

Wiki can back me up.
And Wiki is legit, mon.
Believe tha Wiki.

But ugh.
This past week has been a rush. Today feels like the first day I've actually been ABLE to breathe.

And they call it "break".
Ha. Hahaha.

Yup, I haven't had much of an opportunity fer tha bloggin', I'm afraid.
But Mistah Camera has still been getting in his workout. Which means...

...I get to inundate you with pitchurs, now. =]

(These were all randomly shot on different days. I've only been taking pics of my most spectacular noshings, so I'm going to lump 'em all together and pretend that I had one particularly nummy day of eats.

Strawb Activia+PB Puffins+Coco Bumpers+moah PB
With an apple and some tea chillin' alongside.

Although THIS was a winnah too.
Toasted bagel spread with cream cheese+apricot jam, topped w/ham and ze lettuce.
Pickles+chocolate almond milk 'longside.
*tummy rumble*

Oop. Fowgot. I gotz sum snack reviewz fer y'all, too.
Acos I know how much you love 'em. ;]

Pertiest. Wrapper. EVAR.

Key Lime Pie: I was spectin' this to be sooper tart, but it was actually pleasantly mild and not overly-sweet. Mhmm.

But now...I give up.

I can't pick a favorite Lara flavah. It's just not gunna happen.
But eh.
Not considerin' that to be a major problemo..=]

Alrighty. On to review numero dos.

Look! Mah spoon!
Up close and personal.

Jus kiddin'.
This review is actually all about that yummay little pot of yoggie, thar.
And all I can say is...yUm.

Once again, Rachael's has not failed to impress.
Pomegranate+blueberry = *swoon*

Side note: Please ignore icky AP Euro textbook. I certainly am.

(Translation: test is in 2 weeks and Morgy has done no studyin' whatsoever. WHOOT.)

Kay. Done with reviews. Back to sum dindins:

Ham+cheddar stuffed crepe with a smatterin' of Splendifferous Salad.
But what IS Spendifferous Salad, you ask?

Spendifferous Salad

  • Buncha lettuce
  • 1/2 Apple, chopped
  • Handful toasted walnuts (Note: Do not reach directly into toaster oven to retrieve walnuts. Trust me. Owie.)
  • Glob of blue cheese dressing. Or a coupla globs. yUm.
  • Drizzle of raspberry vinaigrette

And thar ya have it. Perfect balance of sweet/tangy/salty in a lovely little bowl.
Feel free to hijack/tamper with the recipe.
(Pear, for instance, makes a fab substitute for apple.)

Well, I've now depleted my pitchur supply. So I'll quickly discuss my spring break happenings and be off.

Friday: Went to Monterey with Kevin, Alyssa, and their mum. Day was positively gorgeous.
AND managed to avoid spendin' moola, which is always a plus.

Afterwards, I finished packing and set out for camp!

Yessir. Because my volunteer service hours are due on Thursday.
25 of 'em.
And I hadn't done nary a one.

Procrastination FTW. =]

So. I was a camp counselor for kids from 6-19 from Friday-Sunday.
Challenging in and of itself, right?

Well. Plus each and every one of those kids had a disability of some sort.
From Autism, CP, and Down Syndrome to...uh, you name it.

And, guess what?

It was a beautiful experience.

Sure, I was dead tired. And I got cranky sometimes.
But, for being so entirely new at it (I've always been uncomfortable around children and the disabled), I think I did just fine.

Most of the time I actually spent bodyguarding Alyssa, a little girl ("little" doesn't accurately describe her. Picture: age 11 and less than 4 feet tall) with a rare form of dwarfism. She was honestly just fine taking care of herself; all I had to do was make sure no one bowled her over (very, very fragile, teeny bones).

But I bonded with a lot of other kids, too. Got a couple of them out of their shells...dancing, playing baseball, even just talking.

It's incredible (yet understandable for those of us who've struggled with EDs) how such seemingly normal, easy things for us can be so challenging for others.

Which brings me to...honesty time. (Trigger warning, as usual.)

This is shameful, it really is. But being out of my normal schedule over break somehow triggered me.

Enter ED:

"No one's watching you. You don't need to eat that. Put it back. As a matter of fact, go take a run. 400 calories for breakfast? You used to eat HALF of that in a day. Go burn it off. Now."

And I gave in.

Dunno what came over me. I haven't felt that desperate to lose weight in months.

But, when school started up again...the voice went *poof*.
Just like that.
(Though, no, I haven't checked the scale to see if I've lost, because, when I do, it sometimes "inspires" me to keep going.)

It worries me, however, how this just came...BOOM. Out of the blue.
And what if it happens again? In the summer? In college?

I'm sick of being stuck in the middle like this. I want to not be on edge all the time.
I'm don't want to be "in recovery", anymore.
I want to be "recovered".

I want to be myself again.

So I'm going to try something new.

Rather than focusing on gaining weight (since that approach has obviously failed miserably), I'm going to try to eat normally. Intuitively.
Because this obsession over structure isn't healthy, and I want to be more flexible.

If I gain, so be it.
If I lose, I'll try something else.

But something's gotta give. I can't live like this limbo.

Okay. Sorry for the less-than-chipper conclusion, but I'm tired and need some down time with a good book. I'll try to keep the updates coming regularly, and I'll catch up on commenting ASAP.

Muchos besos y abrazos, mis amigas. <3

Monday, April 13, 2009

Traipsin' through tha woods.

Well, Easter is officially over.

...which means Easter break has officially begun! *boogie*

(Not meanin' ta rub in in y'all's faces AT ALL. ;] )

And, of course, free time = nature hikes, in Morganland.
That's just how we roll.

But, before I dive into today's escapades, I must first share with you Sat's and yesterday's happenings.

Saturday, Mum thought it'd be a brill idea to go hiking up at Muir Woods (near-ish San Francisco). Because, supposedly, there are lotsa waterfalls there.
And waterfalls are perty indeed.

Well, actually, we saw nary a waterfall.
But! I'll show ya what we DID see.

Didn't see THAT comin', didja?
Yep. I'll bet.
Okaaay. I'll liven things up a bit.

...with 'shrooms!
Glorious 'shrooms.

All the 'shrooms you could want.

However, one tires of shrooms and flowers after awhile.
So, naturally, I began to bitterly complain about the sad lack of wildlife in the park.

Of course, literally half a minute after the words had left my mouth:

Mum+baby deerz. =]
They were right.there.

Can I take him home?



Then they wandered away.
*sniff sniff*

Whilst I was mourning the departure of my deer friends, I stumbled (not literally, jeesh) upon this likkle dude:

Nanner slug sez: NOMNOMNOM.

Unfortunately, he was too busy noshin' his leaf to console me much.
But I got over it pretty quickly.

As you can see here. =]
(I'm not really that white.)


(Okay. Mebbe I am.)

Ahh. Such a beauteous day. The woods are so lovely and peaceful. Not to mention the pine-y air smells AMAZING. It felt like home.

Oh! And, as a result of all my recent adventures, I am pleased to annouce:

My baby has officially made it to 100,000 miles without falling apart!
Despite my...fabulous driving skills. ;]

So thar be the end of my Saturday reportings.

As for yesterday...urgh.

ED reared his butt-ugly head bright and early, and stayed with me the


It's strange. I'm only ~15lbs heavier than my hospitalization weight. Don't get me wrong - it's been a lot of hard work to gain, and I've seen some significant mental and physical improvement because of it.
But ED will not let me forget how incredibly easy it would be to slip right back down there again.
It's less than a month of starving, really.

And I'll be honest. It's tempting.

I still miss it. I miss feeling small and fragile. I miss the strange, dazed euphoria I got from running on empty. I miss my cheekbones, collarbones, hipbones...the gap between my thighs. And, minus the force-feeding, I somehow miss how safe I felt in my hospital bed.

But now, reading that back to myself turns my stomach. That's not who I want to be. I don't want those to be my goals.
I have bigger fish to fry.

(Pun intended.)

So I'll keep on keepin' on. Because going back is

Alright. Spiel now over.
Back to the eaties!

Starting with Easter mornin' loot. =D

*Morgan's sweet tooth celebrates*

I was also gifted two boxes of Peeps <-- Absolute FAV.
Nomz indeed.

Oop. I really only have a pitchur of brekkie, since all the rest of the day's eats were unplanned.
But I consider that a positive!


Waffle smothered in honey, butter, and apricot jamz, Activia+golden raspberries, and lavendar chai.

Methinks I'm finally getting better at this spontaneous thingamadoodle. It began with a random cookie noshed at Kevin's family Easter party, and continued well into today.
Let's see if I can keep it up..

Alrighty. Movin' on to today!
(Sorry for the ginormous postie, here. My life is just too exciting - hur hur.)

Since Kev is off having a testosterone fest with his buds (translation: Death Valley road trip), and break = no school, I've decided to keep myself busy AMAP for the next few days.

And today, that meant hiking Rancho San Antonio with my most favoritest Chanel!

This was mostly just to spite the fact that we used to have to RUN the whole damn park for cross country practice.

So. Moah wildlife sightings:

Meet Eduardo, the model lizard.
I swear he was posing for me.

And it ain't California without sum quail!
Daw. They luff each other. =]

Upon arrival home, Chanel and I curled up with some white-choco-raspberry ice cream, topped with caramel sauce. And watched The Matrix.

Because it's the essential girly movie.

Be jealous of our kewlness.

Afterwards, we trekked across town in search of guinea pigs. Because I'm lonely and need something to cuddle (but that I can carry off with me to la universidad).

But alas! Thar be a guinea pig shortage here in SJ. =[


Still, never fear - the hunt is not yet over.

Oh boy.
Again, apologies for the epically long post..Although I'm afraid I won't be updating too often this week, so it's gotta last. ;]

Jeesh. It's late, now. Methinks reading in bed sounds dandy. So..

'Night, m'loves!


Edit: Because I'm a dork and I forget EVERYTHANG!
Well. Two things, actually.

A) Yesterday, the stunning Sophia (and a few others - thank you m'dears!) tagged me with this sucker:

FRIENDS… comes with the following description to be added & passed along: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated.” It also says : “Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Awards always make me feel so giddy and happy. You girls rock mah fuzzy liddle socks - thank you!
Since it's been going around awhile, I think most of y'all have already been tagged. So I've decided to pass it on to ALL of your beautiful selves. Because the statement above stands true for all of you. =]

B) I forgot to mention that I have FINALLY tried PB+oats.


Word from the wise: pair it with blueberry yoggie.
It is HEAVEN, I tell you.

Before I began blogging, I would never have had the guts to try new things like this.
But in a few short months, I feel like I've come farther than I ever did in 6 months of OP treatment.

So, once again, a million thanks to all of you. Your support truly means the world.

Okay. NOW bedtime. =]