Monday, April 13, 2009

Traipsin' through tha woods.

Well, Easter is officially over.

...which means Easter break has officially begun! *boogie*

(Not meanin' ta rub in in y'all's faces AT ALL. ;] )

And, of course, free time = nature hikes, in Morganland.
That's just how we roll.

But, before I dive into today's escapades, I must first share with you Sat's and yesterday's happenings.
So.

Saturday, Mum thought it'd be a brill idea to go hiking up at Muir Woods (near-ish San Francisco). Because, supposedly, there are lotsa waterfalls there.
And waterfalls are perty indeed.

Well, actually, we saw nary a waterfall.
But! I'll show ya what we DID see.





Didn't see THAT comin', didja?
Yep. I'll bet.
Okaaay. I'll liven things up a bit.

...with 'shrooms!
Glorious 'shrooms.

All the 'shrooms you could want.
AND THEN SOME.

However, one tires of shrooms and flowers after awhile.
So, naturally, I began to bitterly complain about the sad lack of wildlife in the park.

Of course, literally half a minute after the words had left my mouth:

Mum+baby deerz. =]
They were right.there.

Can I take him home?
...PLEASE?

1
2
3

Awwww.

Then they wandered away.
*sniff sniff*

Whilst I was mourning the departure of my deer friends, I stumbled (not literally, jeesh) upon this likkle dude:

Nanner slug sez: NOMNOMNOM.

Unfortunately, he was too busy noshin' his leaf to console me much.
But I got over it pretty quickly.

As you can see here. =]
(I'm not really that white.)


...


(Okay. Mebbe I am.)


Ahh. Such a beauteous day. The woods are so lovely and peaceful. Not to mention the pine-y air smells AMAZING. It felt like home.

Oh! And, as a result of all my recent adventures, I am pleased to annouce:

My baby has officially made it to 100,000 miles without falling apart!
Despite my...fabulous driving skills. ;]

Whootwhoot!
So thar be the end of my Saturday reportings.

As for yesterday...urgh.

ED reared his butt-ugly head bright and early, and stayed with me the entire.day.

(POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING)

It's strange. I'm only ~15lbs heavier than my hospitalization weight. Don't get me wrong - it's been a lot of hard work to gain, and I've seen some significant mental and physical improvement because of it.
But ED will not let me forget how incredibly easy it would be to slip right back down there again.
It's less than a month of starving, really.

And I'll be honest. It's tempting.

I still miss it. I miss feeling small and fragile. I miss the strange, dazed euphoria I got from running on empty. I miss my cheekbones, collarbones, hipbones...the gap between my thighs. And, minus the force-feeding, I somehow miss how safe I felt in my hospital bed.

But now, reading that back to myself turns my stomach. That's not who I want to be. I don't want those to be my goals.
I have bigger fish to fry.

(Pun intended.)

So I'll keep on keepin' on. Because going back is not.worth.it.

Alright. Spiel now over.
Back to the eaties!

Starting with Easter mornin' loot. =D

Canday!
*Morgan's sweet tooth celebrates*

I was also gifted two boxes of Peeps <-- Absolute FAV.
Nomz indeed.

Oop. I really only have a pitchur of brekkie, since all the rest of the day's eats were unplanned.
But I consider that a positive!

DIE ED ROUTINE.
DIE.

Waffle smothered in honey, butter, and apricot jamz, Activia+golden raspberries, and lavendar chai.
...*swoon*

Methinks I'm finally getting better at this spontaneous thingamadoodle. It began with a random cookie noshed at Kevin's family Easter party, and continued well into today.
Let's see if I can keep it up..

Alrighty. Movin' on to today!
(Sorry for the ginormous postie, here. My life is just too exciting - hur hur.)

Since Kev is off having a testosterone fest with his buds (translation: Death Valley road trip), and break = no school, I've decided to keep myself busy AMAP for the next few days.

And today, that meant hiking Rancho San Antonio with my most favoritest Chanel!

This was mostly just to spite the fact that we used to have to RUN the whole damn park for cross country practice.
Muhaha.

So. Moah wildlife sightings:

Meet Eduardo, the model lizard.
I swear he was posing for me.

And it ain't California without sum quail!
Daw. They luff each other. =]

Upon arrival home, Chanel and I curled up with some white-choco-raspberry ice cream, topped with caramel sauce. And watched The Matrix.

Because it's the essential girly movie.

Be jealous of our kewlness.

Afterwards, we trekked across town in search of guinea pigs. Because I'm lonely and need something to cuddle (but that I can carry off with me to la universidad).

But alas! Thar be a guinea pig shortage here in SJ. =[

LAME.

Still, never fear - the hunt is not yet over.

Oh boy.
Again, apologies for the epically long post..Although I'm afraid I won't be updating too often this week, so it's gotta last. ;]

Jeesh. It's late, now. Methinks reading in bed sounds dandy. So..

'Night, m'loves!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edit: Because I'm a dork and I forget EVERYTHANG!
Well. Two things, actually.

A) Yesterday, the stunning Sophia (and a few others - thank you m'dears!) tagged me with this sucker:

FRIENDS… comes with the following description to be added & passed along: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated.” It also says : “Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Awards always make me feel so giddy and happy. You girls rock mah fuzzy liddle socks - thank you!
Since it's been going around awhile, I think most of y'all have already been tagged. So I've decided to pass it on to ALL of your beautiful selves. Because the statement above stands true for all of you. =]

B) I forgot to mention that I have FINALLY tried PB+oats.
Oh.mi.gaw.

Proof:

Word from the wise: pair it with blueberry yoggie.
It is HEAVEN, I tell you.

Before I began blogging, I would never have had the guts to try new things like this.
But in a few short months, I feel like I've come farther than I ever did in 6 months of OP treatment.

So, once again, a million thanks to all of you. Your support truly means the world.

Okay. NOW bedtime. =]

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

did you ever take photography? your photography skills are amazing.
ED is always whispering in your ears, trying to tempt you back, but you know he's a liar and a deceiver! you're right, it's SIMPLY NOT WORTH going back. it's not like life was much better when you were 15 lbs less. in fact, now you are much healthier, you can actually make active changes and progresses to your life. that feelimg of being sick and fragile...it's only a damned ILLUSION. but we're living in the real world, and can't always hide in our little bubble.
anyway, enough preaching. GREAT JOB on having an unplanned day! I just blogged about how anorexia mandates us to be in control and plan everything out. you're well into recovery, and don't ever let ED tempt you back, my dear!

Anonymous said...

What loverly pictures!
The ones with you in them are the best (^_^) !!!
Yummiful eats you've got.
Thank for the award too.
*hugs*
Have a splediferous next couple of days!
♥ ♥ ♥

Anonymous said...

Morgypoooooo!

Girlie, you have to remember that ED loves to glorify our disorder - espesh us at our worst. You (erm, ED) may "miss" what you were like at your sickest - but was it really all that wonderful at the time!?!? Of course not! Hair falling out, cold all the time, flaky skin, being dizzy, sore, weak...and who knows what else...you're right; it's totally NOT worth it.

It's not glamorous.

And you know it.

THAT being said...I'm glad you're doing better with the spontaneity...it's an area where I still struggle. A lot.

Love ya booboo!

Anonymous said...

Mo! Yesterday was so much fun! I demand that we do it again soon because we need to get out of the house more often.

But I know you and your super coolness is in LOTR trilogy mode today, awesome :)

BTW between Eduardo and Pierre I'm surprised I don't have a new boyfriend O.o

Oh Piere.

Anyway, thank you for the blog love!!!!

If I find my dress today pictures will be sent.

<3 chanelabela <3

Tiny Tina. said...

Oh how I can relate to everything you've said! Every single bloody day ED is whispering in my ear how EASY it would be for me to lose oh, say, X number of pounds in a WEEK just by cutting out this meal time, skimping on that one, working off this one. But no, I am better than this. You and I are BOTH better than this. You have come so so far from that girl you were when hospitalized..you've gotten, and are still getting your life back, all that life has to offer! You certainly do NOT want those goals, filthy ED wants those goals. But aPSHH, you have no time for ED'S goals and so called "truths". I am so incredibly proud of you. =)
Beautiful photos! I was just gonna suggest you could've herded the deer back to your place but alas, they scampered away! =( *tear*
Oh YUM @ de ice cream! What movie session (whether "girly" or not? ;]) is complete without a bowl of freezing cold goodness?!
Thanks you for your comment by the way, YOU inspire me right back. You are halfway to fully being that spunky, happy-go-lucky girl. In fact, that's exactly what I saw you as basically from the moment we met. =)
You and YOUR friend are gorgeous as well, I just feel like cuddling you for some reason when I see your pictures. xD Tehehe.
Have a good sleep darling!
xoxo

Anonymous said...

hi sweetheart

*huggles* i love your sweet comments, they make me happy...and smiley...like this :)

you are amazing at photography!! seriously, those pics are so pretty to look at...and so cute :)

i know how it feels to miss the fragile, sick feeling from being at a lower weight but remeber how far youve come hun, would you really want to throw all that hard work away? and for what? because at the end of the day, and this is the sad truth so i hope you dont feel im being harsh because i dont mean to be, we either chose recovery and a life filled with happiness and real experiences and people we love, or we choose our ed...a SHORT life filled with loniliness, isolation, self destruction and ultimately death...we are not invincible or indestructable...and eds kill so many people...so going down that road can end in only one thing if you choose not to recover.but hun youve come so far and i knwo your stronger than that, i just know it!
you have so much to give to the world!

mmm acitivia and waffles :) can i come for breakfast to yours please..?

anyways hun, i hope you have a nice night,
much love chica
xxxx

brooke said...

oh morgan <3
i am SO HAPPY to see you back, alive and well. ive missed you so much. my beauty, you are so inspiring. your energy, words of wisdom, eat(!) and love is so refreshing. i need you back in my life! i know the feelings of stress and sleeplessness so you have every right to back down when you are feeling overwhelmed. i too have to been there. but now you are on break! i hope you are enjoying every minute or every day :) you deserve all the freedom and happiness.

and happy belated easter! that little bunny treated you very well! and so did ed (so glad he took a vacation!) your pictures are absolutely beautiful. as well as your food. oh my goodness.

above all? your realization that missing your emaciation-symptom usage-ed loving days is so normal. but the fact that you are agreeing that it is NOT worth it to go back, and yet learning to appreciate the little bit of added weight so you can begin to reach full health is amazing. you have so much to look forward to. but with ed, you are dying. not living. so keep fighting and stay positive sweetie.

i love you to pieces <3
love, brookey

p.s PB OATS. im so happy to hear that you finally had the chance to try this. bravo!

Nancy said...

You are so lucky! There's wildlife all around you. Here, we've got Canadian geese...and that's about it. You are also quite the brave princess! I am absolutely terrified of reptiles and insects!!

I'm so jealous you've got a spring break now LOL! How long is it for you? Ours was last Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon.

I'm glad you had such a great time with your friend and mommy!

Have a good day! ^_^

Stacey said...

Morgan!!! I'm so glad you're back! I have missed you so.

Your pictures are so beautiful. I love them.

I too have those thoughts sometimes, that I miss some of the things about ED. I was reading the book "Life without Ed" (highly suggest it; very good read), and there was one chapter that said there will be things we'll miss about ED and things we don't ever want to experience again. The authors suggested to make a list of the postive and negative things about our eating disorders. I'm sure the list of negatives will be longer.
I'm glad you say you have bigger fish to fry! So do I. I don't ever want to live with Ed again. He is too yucky.

As for your foodage, hello yum!!! glad you tried PB oats! I think I have it 3 or 4 times a week and never tire of it. nomnom.

Once again, I'm glad you are back :)

Michael Ellerton said...

oh my god, i love the slug. and you are so cute!! aww. :)
i understand completely about missing it. but when we think about how much we want to lose, we tend to ignore all the awful things about being at a very low weight, as debbie said. maybe we have to accept that anorexia may always be there trying to worm its way back into our lives, but i guess we just have to be stronger than the disorder. you're right, it's not worth it. sometimes it might seem like the only thing that will make anything better is losing weight. but all it does is hurt and infringe upon every aspect of our lives. we KNOW it's not worth it, deep down. you do have bigger fish to fry morgan. you deserve a life, not just a sad approximation of living that is an eating disorder.
take care, hope you have a lovely day.
-erin

Lyssy said...

Oh my gosh! That fawn is adorable!!
Yup, I agree with the temptation to want to go back. But at the same time, what does that have to offer us? Nada.
I saw a guinea pig at Petco today actually. I was looking at birds since my mom is going to get me a pair for my birthday. (YAY!) The guinea pig was adorable though! I hope you find one soon.

Stay strong~

JuJuBeans said...

The Waffles look yummy! What does a golden raspberry taste like? I saw them at the grocery store the other day, but they looked not so pretty so, didn't buy any. Anywho, you look great in your new picture! Also, I made a new blog, and will be posting every day or as much as possible since, I'm not as busy anymore!
http://ilovepeanutbutterpuffins.blogspot.com/

emily. said...

Yay flowers! I love seeing your pictures- they make me so happy.
I get excited over flowers? Wow... lame! ;)

Your trips sound so fun! And that slug is adorable.
No, really, he is.
Way cuter than baby deer.
Seriously.
Belive me.
slug > fawns.

The Matrix?! Love that movie.
Especially the line about the virtual steak...
One moment. *goes off to look it up*
Cyper's like "I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I know? *bites steak* Ignorance is bliss."
My favorite scene. :D

So, your waffles remind me of this time when I attempted to -fry- a waffle at my friend's house. And it turned out delicious. We put powered sugar on it and it was just like funnel cake that you get at the fair! :o

I can totally relate to the thigh thing. I liked it too. But no! Grrr, ED!
ED is a sneak butt face. As long as you keep saying to yourself, "I will not let him win.", he won't.
<333

Glad you're back. :)
<3

Anonymous said...

morgan my daaaarrrrling! where are you? missing you but hoping you're just being too busy having fun!